Difficult Conversations

When a discussion is affecting your business or another’s career you need to get it right.

I recently sat with a client, a Vice President in a multinational, who was preparing for a difficult conversation. He had a laundry list to discuss with an employee. He knew in detail what wasn’t working and what he needed as an outcome. It was a critical discussion, and it could easily go wrong. 

We discussed the employees background, tenure, history, and achievements, had they previously achieved their objectives? Had the environment or the role changed? Clearly, something had changed either at work or personally, and the point of our discussion was to map out steps for a successful conversation and outcome for both parties. 

In most cases, the other person, whatever the situation, will probably know there is a problem. In this case, the point was for my client to undercover the problem. So we agreed to start the conversation with some curiosity, ask open questions, and then actively listen. You cannot solve a problem without understanding the whole situation. 

To get a successful outcome for a difficult conversation requires, like most strategies, some process. The goal was for all involved to leave with a sense of fairness, mutual understanding, agreement and outcome.

Managed well, you might find the conversation was not all difficult. 

My point, The Collins English dictionary has the following explanations of difficult; ‘Not easily done, requiring much labour, skill or planning to be performed successfully.’ Referring to the other party as being ‘ hard to understand or solve, hard to deal with or get along with, hard to please, satisfy or persuade.’ 

To this list, I will add stressful, time-consuming, and potentially damaging. And, if it remains unaddressed, the worst result! The situation becomes systemic to affect the team, culture, and your business.

All good reasons to face the elephant in the room and to go back to the dictionary. I agree it may not be easily done, it will take effort, skill and planning, if needed and if you don’t have a HR department then an external resource could be a viable and valid option, and eventually an expense-saving exercise.